ZenSar@SA (zensarsa@gmail.com)

Measuring my Lines of Code

2009-04-01T01:33:00.000-07:00

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Shared by: Debarshi Chakraborty (Durban)

This is the extract of a short conversation between one of my team mates and HOD of our department. The discussion is very candid and I am a fan of our HOD with his ability to bring out strong points out of no where.

Teammate: Quoting Bill gates, “Measuring programming progress by lines of code is like measuring aircraft building progress by weight.”

HOD: Ouch!!! Agree totally, this is the same guy that said Windows XP was the future. Perhaps he should stick to making money using non-competitive tactics. When you build an airplane weight is one of the most important factors that need to be measured. Dont get all excited but its all about thrust to weight ratio. LOL. It is not the only factor however. Soon we are going to need a terabyte of ram just to load your MS OS. Mac rulz.

Teammate: Touché But I can write pretty long and kak code and never achieve my functional goal, whereas, if one knows the underlying technology the same could be achieved in a few lines of code. Mac’s are just Intel’s in White!

HOD: It is assumed if you use any LOC measure that there are regular code reviews and senior team members are looking at the "thrust to weight ratio". It's at these review meetings that people padding their code are informed that they are not pulling their weight. You then need to factor in number of features delivered, some way of calculating complexity, amount of time spent actually coding versus the very important support functions a developer has to perform for existing products.

You need multifaceted approach....BUT you do need to do something and it needs to graph effectively.

Think about why we need to measure this. People who are paying us (bosses!, owners! etc.) are not developers but we expect them to sign our pay checks every month trusting that everything is efficient.

They need something simple to do, easy to understand and believable that reassures them that you are working hard and delivering. Teaching them the technicalities of development so they can understand the elegance of code is not practical....so we are left with some XL graphs. Not perfect but what else is there?

Teammate: 100% agree

5 Seconds Between Life & Death

2009-02-27T04:35:00.000-08:00

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Shared by: Adarsh Vyas (Durban)

Like you, this man too, had a dream. Like you, he too pushed his way into the crowded train Like you, he too wanted to get going before he got delayed Unlike you, he slipped and fell in the gap between the train and the platform at s tation And eight bogies went over him .

Find out what happened to this man * * * * * *

The man obviously has a guardian angel and supportive bystanders who told him exactly what he shouldn't do - move. And so, the man lay absolutely still as eight bogies of the train passed over him - centimeters from his head. Within seconds the 12-coach train passed and the man clambered out, unaided, unhurt, but too shocked to speak to us after his near-death experience Untidy safety habits Can trip you up. This Guy was Lucky, Dont cross Railway Tracks ever & make a mess of ur Valuable Life

whatever happens it happens for good!
Don't use shortcuts in life, eliminate unsafe acts & unsafe conditions to avoid accidents.

DOCTOR Vs MECHANIC

2009-02-25T01:30:00.000-08:00

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Shared by: Adarsh Vyas (Durban)

A mechanic was removing the cylinder heads from the motor of a car when he spotted the famous heart surgeon in his shop, who was standing off to the side, waiting for the service manager to come to take a look at his car.
The mechanic shouted across the garage,” Hello Doctor!! Please come over here for a minute."
The famous surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic.

The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked argumentatively, "So doctor, look at this. I also open hearts, take valves out, grind 'em, put in new parts, and when I finish this will work as a new one. So how come you get the big money, when you and me is doing basically the same work? "

The doctor leaned over and whispered to the mechanic.....

He said: "Try to do it when the engine is running".

ACTION CRICKET: Bull8s (bullets) did it again!

2009-02-13T04:18:00.000-08:00

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Action Cricket is an indoor version of field Cricket and very prevelant in South Africa. Being in Durban, happened to get a chance to register a corporate team consisting of all ZenSarians. the team was name Bull8s (read it as Bullets). We registered in 2007 Feb, and started playing leagues. Till date we have played 4 seasons leagues. Each league runs for 3 to 4 months and there are matches every week, in the evening.
This game is not about power. Its demands, strategy, coolness, stamina and reflexes. All said, I am enjoying the nature of the game.
Recently we finished our 4th season and we lost the final and therefore, have to be contented with SILVER medal. However, out of 4 leagues, we have been always among top 4 teams. Twice we won the Silver and a maiden Gold.
It gives us immense pride to come and play with teams who are habituated to this form of cricket from very early age.
With the growing size of ZenSarians in Durban, we have formed a second team now who are entering the Arena from next month. The team is very promising in talent and we extend all our wishes for their success.

EVE'S TERMINOLOGY

2009-02-13T03:54:00.000-08:00

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Shared by: Adarsh Vyas (Durban)

Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they areright and you need to shut up.

Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half anhour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been givenfive more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something,and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothingusually end in fine.

Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statementof ten misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are anidiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here andarguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning ofnothing.)

That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a womenca n make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hardbefore deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Justsay you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true,unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome' . that will bring ona 'whatever').

Whatever: Is a woman's way of saying Fxxx YOU!

Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement,meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do severaltimes, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to # 3.

BIRTHDAY GIFT

2009-02-12T05:41:00.000-08:00

Shared By: Ghanshyam Dayal (Durban)

I was walking around in a Big Bazar store making shopping, when I saw a Cashier talking to a boy couldn't have been more than 5 or 6 years old. The Cashier said, 'I'm sorry, but you don't have enough money to buy this doll.
Then the little boy turned to me and asked: ''Aunty, are you sure I don't have enough money?''I counted his cash and replied: ''You know that you don't have enough money to buy the dolll, my dear.'' The little boy was still holding the doll in his hand. Finally, I walked toward him and I asked him who he wished to give this doll to.
'It's the doll that my sister loved most and wanted so much . Iwanted to Gift her for her BIRTHDAY. I have to give the doll to my mommy so that she can give it to my sister when she goes there.' His eyes were so sad while saying this. 'My Sister has gone to be with God.

Daddy says that Mommy is going to see God very soon too, so I thought that she could take the doll with her to give it to my sister. '' My heart nearly stopped. The little boy looked up at me and aid: 'I told daddy to tell mommy not to go yet. I need her to wait until I come back from the mall.' Then he showed me a very nice photo of him where he was laughing. He then told me 'I want mommy to take my picture with her so my sister won't forget me.' 'I love my mommy and I wish she doesn't have to leave me, but daddy says that she has to go to be with my little sister.

' Then he looked again at the doll with sad eyes, very quietly. I quickly reached for my wallet and said to the boy. 'Suppose we check again, just in case you do have enough money for the doll?'' 'OK' he said, I hope I do have enough.' I added some of my money to his with out him seeing and we started to count it. There was enough for the doll and even some spare money. The little boy said: 'Thank you God for giving me enough money!
' Then he looked at me and added, 'I asked last night before I went to sleep for God to make sure I had enough money to buy this doll, so that mommy could give It to my sister. He heard me!'' 'I also wanted to have
enough money to buy a white rose for my mommy, but I didn't dare to ask God for too much. But He gave me enough to buy the doll and a white rose. My mommy loves white roses.'

I finished my shopping in a totally different state from when I started. I couldn't get the little boy out of my mind.. Then I remembered a local news paper article two days ago, which mentioned a drunk man in a truck, who
hit a car occupied by a young woman and a little girl. The little girl died right away, and the mother was left in a critical state. The family had to decide whether to pull the plug on the life-sustaining machine, because the young woman would not be able to recover from the coma. Was this the family of the little boy?Two days after this encounter with the little boy, I read in the newspaper that the young woman had passed away.. I couldn't stop myself as I bought a bunch of white roses and I went to the funeral home where the body of the young
woman was exposed for people to see and make last wishes before her burial. She was there, in her coffin, holding a beautiful white rose in her hand with the photo of the little boy and the doll placed over her chest.
I left the place, teary-eyed, feeling that my life had been changed for ever.
The love that the little boy had for his mother and his sister is still, to this day, hard to imagine. And in a fraction of a second, a drunk driver had taken all this away from him.

INDIAN MOTHER

2009-02-12T05:31:00.000-08:00

Shared By: Adarsh Vyas (Durban)

A Mom comes to visit her son Kumar for dinner.....who lives with a girl roommate Sunita.
During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty Kumar's, roommate was.
She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this had only made her more curious. Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Kumar and his roommate than met the eye.
Reading his moms thoughts, Kumar volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but Iassure you, Sunita and I are just roommates."
About a week later, Sunita came to Kumar saying, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver chutney jar. You don't suppose she took it, do you?" Kumar said ,"Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her, just to be sure." So he sat down and wrote :
Dear Mother:
I'm not saying that you 'did' take the chutney jar from my house, I'm not saying that you 'did not' take the chutney jar. But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.
Love, Kumar

Several days later, Kumar received an email from his Mother which read

Dear Son:
I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Sunita, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with Sunita. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the chutney jar by now under the pillow... Love, Mom.

Moral : Don't Lie to Your Mother...... ......especially if she is Indian!

VALENTINE MESSAGE: ONLY FOR U

2009-02-12T05:22:00.000-08:00

Shared By: Adarsh Vyas (Durban)

U R the one who is CHARMING
U R the one who is INTELLIGENT
U R the one who is CUTE
And
I am the One who is spreading these RUMOURS
------------------------------ -------------------
I saw U on the road that day
U Were Looking so fine
Ur Face So Divine
Ur Walk So Perfect
My Heart Started to Sing a Sweet Song??????.
WHO LET THE DOGS OUT
------------------------------ -------------------
A - U r Attractive
B - U r the Best
C - U r Cute
D - U r Dear 2 Me
E - U r Excellent
F - U r Funny
G - U r Good-Looking
H - hehehe

I - I'm
J - JOKING
------------------------------ -------------------
Another MOON ? Possible
Another SUN ? Possible
Another SKY ? Possible
Another Frnd Like U ? Impossible
'coz GOD can't make the same MISTAKE twice
------------------------------ --------------------
U r the ACCENT of my Life,
ALTO of my Dreams,
IKON of my Eyes,
ZEN of my Thoughts,
INDICA of my Joy,
LANCER of my Heart.
Can anyone clear this TRAFFIC JAM plzz
------------------------------ --------------------
Those Sparkling Eyes
Those Marvelous Lips
A 100 Watt Smile
The Majestic Walk
The Cheerful Talk
Truly Charming Personality
Guess, That's Enough abt ME
------------------------------ --------------------
so Sweet is ur SMILE???
so Sweet is ur STYLE???
so Sweet is ur VOICE???
so Sweet is ur EYE?????
see how Sweetly I LIE
------------------------------ --------------------
Look at the Ocean, see GOD's Abundance !
Look at the Sky, see GOD's Wonder !
Look at the Moon, see GOD's Glory !
Look at the Mirror, see GOD's BLUNDER !!

When you sit with a nice girl for two hours, it seems like two minutes. When you sit on a hot stove for two minutes, it seems like two hours that's relativity

HUMAN RESOURCE MANAGER

2009-02-12T05:04:00.001-08:00

Shared By: Adarsh Vyas (Durban)

One day while walking down the street a highly successful Human Resources Manager was tragically hit by a bus and she died. Her soul arrived up in heaven where she was met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter himself. "Welcome to Heaven," said St. Peter. "Before you get settled in though, it seems we have a problem. You see, strangely enough, we've never once had a Human Resources Manager make it this far and we're not really sure what to do with you."
"No problem, just let me in," said the woman.
"Well, I'd like to, but I have higher orders. What we're going to do is let you have a day in Hell and a day in Heaven and then you can choose whichever one you want to spend an eternity in."
"Actually, I think I've made up my mind, I prefer to stay in Heaven", said the woman
"Sorry, we have rules..."
And with that St. Peter put the executive in an elevator and it went down-down-down to hell.
The doors opened and she found herself stepping out onto the putting green of a beautiful golf course. In the distance was a country club and standing in front of her were all her friends - fellow executives that she had worked with and they were well dressed in evening gowns and cheering for her. They ran up and kissed her on both cheeks and they talked about old times. They played an excellent round of golf and at night went to the country club where she enjoyed an excellent steak and lobster dinner.
She met the Devil who was actually a really nice guy (kindof cute) and she had a great time telling jokes and dancing. She was having such a good time that before she knew it, it was time to leave. Everybody shook her hand and waved goodbye as she got on the elevator.
The elevator went up-up-up and opened back up at the Pearly Gates and found St. Peter waiting for her.
"Now it's time to spend a day in heaven," he said. So she spent the next 24 hours lounging around on clouds and playing the harp and singing. She had great time and before she knew it her 24 hours were up and St. Peter came and got her.
"So, you've spent a day in hell and you've spent a day in heaven. Now you must choose your eternity,"
The woman paused for a second and then replied, "Well, I never thought I'd say this, I mean, Heaven has been really great and all, but I think I had a better time in Hell."
So St. Peter escorted her to the elevator and again she went down-down-down back to Hell.
When the doors of the elevator opened she found herself standing in a desolate wasteland covered in garbage and filth. She saw her friends were dressed in rags and were picking up the garbage and putting it in sacks.
The Devil came up to her and put his arm around her.
"I don't understand," stammered the woman, "yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and a country club and we ate lobster and we danced and had a great time. Now all there is a wasteland of garbage and all my friends look miserable."
The Devil looked at her smiled and told... ......... ......
"Yesterday we were recruiting you, today you're an Employee"

INTERVIEW QUESTIONS

2009-02-12T04:59:00.000-08:00

Shared By: Adarsh Vyas (ZenSar, Durban)

So next time when u go for an interview be prepared for these questions....

*Story I*
E: Do u have a boyfriend?
C: I have.
E: Is he working locally?
C: No. He is working Overseas.
E: Sorry, my company cannot employ u!
C: Why?
E: U will not be able to settle down here permanently. And my Company doesn’t want to pay extra expenses on the overseas calls just because of u.

*Story II*
E: Any girl friends?
C: No.
E: So far chased any before?
C: Have, but not successful.
E: Ever think of getting a job first then start looking for a girlfriend?
C: Career is first priority. Currently didn't want to consider this personal issue.
E: Sorry, my company cannot employ u.
C: Why?
E: You are lacking of P.R skills and confidence!!

*Story III *
E: Any girlfriends?
C: Yes.
E: Is she pretty?
C: Not quite.
E: Sorry, my company cannot employ you.
C: Why? Will this affect your company's reputation?
E: No, it does not affect the company's reputation but because my company is dealing with arts, our company requested an artist.

*Story IV*
E: Any girlfriends?
C: Yes.
E: Is she pretty?
C: Yes.
E: Is she your first lover?
C: Yes.
E: Sorry, we can't employ you because you lack of fighting spirit.

*Story V *
E: Any girlfriends?
C: Yes.
E: Is she your first lover?
C: No. Have a few already.
E: Sorry, my company cannot employ you because you are a "grasshopper”! (Job hoper laugh!)

*Story VI *
E: Any boyfriends?
C: Yes.
E: Is he rich?
C: No.
E: Then sorry, my company cannot employ you because our Company is dealing with money and you will seduce.

*Story VII*
E: Any boyfriends?
C: Yes.
E: Is he rich?
C: Yes, very rich. He owns a company.
E: Sorry, we cannot employ you because your boyfriend doesn’t even want to employ you, neither do we!
C: But ... there is no position in his company.
E: Then ... what is your qualification?
C: Secretary!
E: Sorry, we still cannot employ you because your prettiness will affect our managers' working spirits.
C: But ... I am not pretty at all.
E: It is even worse because my managers will not be interested in you!!

AND THEN THE FIGHT STARTED...

2009-02-12T04:47:00.000-08:00

Shared By: Adarsh Vyas (ZenSar, Durban)

My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels.She asked, 'What's on TV?' I said, 'Dust.'

And then the fight started...

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive...
So, I took her to a gas station..
And then the fight started...

My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and my wifekept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.
I asked my wife, 'Do you know him?''Yes,' She sighed, 'He's my old boyfriend.I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many yearsago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since.
''My God!' I said to my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'
And then the fight started...

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first."I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please."He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?""Naaah, she can order for herself."
And then the fight started...

A woman is standing & looking in the bedroom mirror.She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband,'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'
And then the fight started..... .

I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95.Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95.I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream.
And then the fight started....

I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?”It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation."Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?"And that's when the fight started....

When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed..But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first:the truck, the car, e-mail, fishing, always something more important to me.Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.
When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass,busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors.I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house.I was gone only a few minutes.
When I came out again I handed her a toothbrush.'When you finish cutting the grass,' I said, 'you might as well sweep the driveway.'
And then the fight started...

IN THIS AGE AND TIME,DO YOU AGREE WITH THIS METHOD?

2009-02-09T04:22:00.000-08:00

Shared by: Ghanshyam Dayal (ZenSar, Durban)

Dr. Arun Gandhi, grandson of Mahatma Gandhi and founder of the M.K.Gandhi
Institute for Nonviolence, in his June 9 lecture at the University of Puerto
Rico shared the following story:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I was 16 years old and living with my parents at the institute my
grandfather had founded 18 miles outside of Durban, South Africa, in the
middle of the sugar plantations. We were deep in the country and had no
neighbors, so my two sisters and I would always look forward to going to
town to visit friends or go to the movies.

One day, my father asked me to drive him to town for an all-day conference,
and I jumped at the chance. Since I was going to town, my
mother gave me a list of groceries she needed and, since I had all day in
town, my father asked me to take care of several pending chores, such as
getting the car serviced.

When I dropped my father off that morning, he said, "I will meet you
here at 5:00 p.m., and we will go home together."

After hurriedly completing my chores, I went straight to the nearest
movie theatre. I got so engrossed in a John Wayne double-feature that I
forgot the time. It was 5:30 before I remembered. By the time I ran to the
garage and got the car and hurried to where my father was waiting for me, it
was almost 6:00 .

He anxiously asked me, "Why were you late?"

I was so ashamed of telling him I was watching a John Wayne western movie
that I said, "The car wasn't ready, so I had to wait," not
realizing that he had already called the garage.
When he caught me in the lie, he said: "There's something wrong in the way I
brought you up that didn't give you the confidence to tell me the truth. In
order to figure out where I went wrong with you, I'm going to
walk home 18 miles and think about it."
So, dressed in his suit and dress shoes, he began to walk home in the dark
on mostly unpaved, unlit roads.

I couldn't leave him, so for five-and-a-half hours I drove behind him,
watching my father go through this agony for a stupid lie that I uttered. I
decided then and there that I was never going to lie again.

I often think about that episode and wonder, if he had punished me the way
we punish our children, whether I would have learned a lesson at all. I
don't think so. I would have suffered the punishment and gone on doing the
same thing. But this single non-violent action was so powerful
that it is still as if it happened yesterday.
That is the power of non-violence.

Wish, I could be this guy !

2009-01-30T01:02:00.000-08:00

From the Moderator

2009-01-29T06:23:00.000-08:00

Hello Gents and Ladies,

Welcome to blog spot of ZenSar @ SA.

This is your space to share your thoughts, travelogues, whitepapers, comments and stories. You all know the reach of blogs. Let's utilize this space to reach out to friends both within and outside our corporate association. It is a moderated informal stage.

I appeal to all those, who feel to present their ideas on political, social, health, economic subjects. You can even share a hearty comic article to ease out the stress we all bear.

Please contact zensarsa@gmail.com for any suggestion, feedback or comment.